When I first became a believer, John 3:16 had little impact on me—yes, learning that my sins are forgiven, which were beyond calculation according to my knowledge and understanding because I was still trying to please God through works. However, I did not fully realize the true impact of God’s love for humanity by sending His Son to die and taking upon Himself the sins of the world. For God so loved the world, He sent His Son. Therefore, whosoever believes/acknowledges Him will have eternal life. So, yes, I believe Jesus is the Son of God, and yes, I believe He died for my sins, and yes, I believe that “In Him,” I have everything I need to live the life God desires us to live because only Jesus in us can fulfill the will of the Father. However, because God is God, I couldn’t imagine Him grieve the death of His only Son for someone undeserving of such grace and mercy for a world that did not acknowledge Him. But I didn’t fully know the pain until I felt the sorrow.
Also, I did not fully understand the unimaginable pain and suffering of losing a child until I lost my only son. Nor did I know the feeling of others not acknowledging his existence, especially those who knew him personally, until I ran into an old boyfriend at a family funeral the other day. I was shocked that this old boyfriend flirted with me when he saw me instead of acknowledging my loss. There was no me without my children, and still there is no me without their existence. He knew my son, and because he is a close friend of my cousin, I am sure he knew about my son’s death.
I was surprised because he knew my son yet did not acknowledge him and his death as though he had never existed. I also chuckled as I told him he will never have another chance with me. I also imagined the look on my son’s face smiling because I set a solid boundary; I felt proud of myself for taking such a stand.
I also pondered on taking God’s grace for granted when I first learned about Christ’s death on the Cross for my sins and the price He and the Father paid for our salvation. Finally, I pondered on the grief He experienced for a world that rejected Him and still rejects His Son, Jesus Christ, as Lord and Savior to a world that doesn’t acknowledge Him.
Although, I would never be the same without my only son, who I delighted in; even in silence, his presence brought me joy. Hearing his loving voice toward me when I grieved him comforted me because although he was a sinner like me, my comfort was that God acknowledged him when he breathed his last breath on that dark lonely road. God saw him and called him by his name.
My son, you were my sunrise on September 20, 1978. You brought me joy, love, laughter, strength, and courage. Your Sunset was on October 31, 2021 yet, your memory will be forever in my heart until we meet on the clouds.