TIDES, WAVES, AND ANGUISH

TIDES, WAVES, AND ANGUISH When I think the tides have subsided, another wave becomes more potent than before. And it’s time to hold my breath again. One year is drawing near; it would have been my son’s forty-fourth year; I can see the giant waves on the horizon, the waves coming at a distance, and…

Listen to Time

Listening to the Sound of Time A strange thing happened last year at school, most of the digital clocks stopped working. Then, after the tech repaired one, another stopped working until the school eventually replaced all the digital clocks with the good old-fashioned wall clocks. Do you remember the older watches with a big hand…

Digging Through the Ruins

Talking to God My Road to Recovery has not been what I imagined while living ignorant of God’s nature and control of all things internally and externally. I learned that inner work is exhausting; sometimes, I feel it would have been better to stay ignorantly blissful: however, I would still have my family stuck in…

Waves of Grief

Grief comes like waves; some subtly cover your heart like waves gently coming to and fro, washing over the filth of past shame, guilt, and regret. Grief says, “Come sit with me for a while; I wish you no harm. Healing is my desire. With me, there is no shame; I know the depth of…

Where is Home?

Where is Home Self-Awareness As I reflected on the past few years, I saw myself standing upon the mountaintop with hands lifted victoriously. I thought of Christian from Paul Bunyon’s book, Pilgrim Progress. Like him, I felt like I was carrying a heavy burden, and although I laid them at the foot of the Cross…

Journaling on My Day’s Journey

8 June 2022 Today a lovely woman of God invited me to live in her home. A stranger, yet not strange. I felt a connection when I met her yesterday when my long-time friend introduced her to me. So now, here I am in a home I have never known, owned by a woman of…

My First Year

My First Year Today should be a celebration not only a celebration of motherhood but also a celebration of freedom for me. One year ago today, I made the decision that changed my life. When faced with the reality of choosing between life and death, I chose life, I chose me, and I walked away…

S.T.O.P

As Mothers Day is quickly approaching, can I give you a few tips on what not to say or do in the presence of a grieving mother?  Stay with me for a minute, don’t avoid me because my pain is unbearable. I need you to be near; I need your shoulder to cry on. I…

Fill My Soul

When my son died, I felt like my heart went into shock. It went completely numb. I couldn’t cry; I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t feel pain; my heart couldn’t grieve. It felt mechanical and lifeless. Every bit of my being left, I felt mechanical, without a soul. I stood over his coffin; it wasn’t him….

Grieving the Holiday’s

Alfonso Ramon Liles (September 20, 1978-October 31, 2021) Yesterday, we laid my Son to rest, and this was the most painful experience I have ever had to face. He is here in what feels like a moment, and then I get that dreadful phone call informing me that my Son is gone. After the shock,…