C.A.B.’s Kids, Let’s Go!

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him, who called us by his own glory and goodness.
2 Peter 1:3 

When recess was over, I would blow my whistle and scream, “C.A.B.’s Kids, let’s go!” My kids blended with the general population, but when they heard my voice, they came running and lined up with me.

One day, one of the kids asked me,

“Ms. Lisa, what does C.A.B.’s mean?”

Choices affect behaviors, I said.

“Does this mean something is wrong with us, he asked.

“Oh no, it means that not only are you building your I.Q., you are also building your emotional Intelligence, E.Q., ” I said.

He looked confused and said, “What’s that?”

Well, I went on to say that when we get frustrated, we have two choices: lose our temper and do something that could hurt ourselves or others, or take a time-out and think about the consequences of our words or actions before we regret something. I have to admit that I am learning as well: self-control.

“Oh, now I know why you always go to the quiet room!”

We laughed and went back to class.

C.A.B.’s ( Conquering Adverse Behaviors)

Since then, although I haven’t mastered all my behaviors, I am confident I have conquered some adverse patterns I’ve carried since childhood through the divine power of the Holy Spirit.

As I read the Word, I admit that I can’t do God’s will through my own strength. I’ve also learned to notice my triggers instead of fighting them; they only strengthen when we try to silence and suppress them. I feel like a child having a meltdown. Like my inner child has concerns that must be addressed, listened to, and validated; I’ve silenced her for far too long.

Instead of silencing her, I tend to the unhealed wounds, and I befriend them.

During those times, I also see shadows running to hide from me through my mind’s eye, the parts of my exiled inner children. However, I imagine speaking to them with curiosity. I invite them to sit with me at the feet of Jesus and hear the tender voice of the Holy Spirit, who sits on the throne of my heart.

As Jesus tenderly speaks to us, they hear His still, small voice saying, “Let the little children come to Me. And they come out and sit at His feet.

One day, after finally settling in my own apartment, I suddenly felt overpowered by a panic attack. Instead of feeling relief from running and hiding from one place to another because of the fear of my ex finding me, I felt an urgency to flee again, but where?

I’ve exhausted all my resources and felt utterly alone.

Finally, I remembered what I learned through IFS (Internal Family Systems). I put my hand over my heart and heard a frightened, small voice of the little girl saying,

“What if he finds us? What if we fall? What if…?

That’s all I needed to hear; I understood exactly what she meant.

Her concerns were valid.

As a child, I was reminded that my brother and I were left at the mercy of others to care for us. I wanted a home so badly that I did whatever it took to please our caretakers and have a place to call home.

However, it wouldn’t be long before we were uprooted and abandoned again and again; this became the story of my life.

Even as an adult, the fear of abandonment kept me shackled in abusive relationships. Now, I see it wasn’t only my ex-husband. He was just another extension of childhood abuse.

After reading Internal Family Systems ( Richard C. Swartz, Martha Sweezy, 2023), I acquired more tools to help her and myself avoid going back to abusive patterns.

I validated her concerns and said tenderly,

“We are safe now, Baby girl.

Jesus is with us, and He will never abandon us.”

Because she thought I was still a child, I reassured her that I was a grown woman and thanked her for her courage and bravery. Even though she had no other choices, she was a little warrior.

I imagined picking her up, hugging her tightly, and bringing her home, out of the past, and into the “Now” with me.

The Bible is the Word of Life, and God, in His great mercy, has given us His Spirit to enable us to live the life of His Son in us.

I once viewed the Bible as a book of condemnation against the parts of my life that shamed me; however, Paul says,

Romans 8:37-39, "No, in all these things were more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God, that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.' 

God, by His great mercy, has given us the freedom to choose. I heard the inner critic’s condemnation, the abusive caretakers who didn’t provide choices. Instead, they demand compliance.

Some kids even now have no voice and are silenced because of fear.

Either they comply or metaphorically die.

I am relearning that children desperately need to be heard in both the physical and spiritual realms.

Sadly, some fear death if they speak up.

The Bible says to speak up for those who cannot speak up for themselves.

Since the garden, the devil has twisted God’s Word and continues to do so through religious practices and wicked people who use the Word of God to manipulate and control.

My generation and the generations before me have internalized those criticisms and still hear their condemning voices as adults.

Jesus is the Author and Perfecter of our faith; He took upon Himself the full force of sin and paid the ultimate price for every sin, past, present, and future. He knows where our wounded children hide from the shame and despair the enemy uses to keep us stuck in our past.

Still, I imagine Him walking through the garden of my heart, seeking the lost little lambs, Mahle, and bringing him home to Himself, again.

Suppose we allow Jesus to walk us through instead of pretending all is well. In that case, we will find His Redemptive Work and set our exiles free from the captivity of the Beast of Shame.

Sometimes, in the children we care for in the physical domain, we see the lost child in us mirrored. If we have eyes to see, we can see a connection in the spiritual realm. When I see my inner child mirrored through the children I care for, and surrender that trigger to Jesus, they are healed. The beauty that comes from their ashes is that they are finally free and growing.

So now, instead of condemning my parts, I ask the Holy Spirit to help me help the Exiled Parts that need validation, tending, befriending, and redemption. That’s another story, but for now, I rest in God’s unfailing Love and His saving grace by the Power of His Holy Spirit.

Instead of blending with Anxious Parts, place your hand on your heart, take a few small breaths, and imagine all your exiled children sitting at the feet of Jesus, and praying,

“Find rest, oh my soul, in God alone, amen.”

Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent, I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord.

Hear my voice when I call, Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” I will seek your face, Lord. Do not hide your face from me; do not turn your servant away in anger, for you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, God, my Savior.

Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. Teach me your way, Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise against me, spouting malicious accusations. I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Psalms 27:6‭-‬14

References:

Holy Bible, NIV, Internal Family Systems Therapy by Richard C. Swartz, Martha Sweezy, 2023, Mindsight by Daniel J. Siegel,2010, The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle, 2000