Talking to God
My Road to Recovery has not been what I imagined while living ignorant of God’s nature and control of all things internally and externally. I learned that inner work is exhausting; sometimes, I feel it would have been better to stay ignorantly blissful: however, I would still have my family stuck in trauma bondage. Mental health is doing the work, digging up old ruins like an archeologist piecing everything together slowly and carefully; we want fast and furious. One of the hardest things to do is face our inner truth, something we draw from the subconscious. Jesus said, “Out of the heart, the mouth speaks.” His words can be painfully true after words spill out of our mouths to unsuspecting victims from our past hurts; we transfer our wounds from others to our spouse, children, friends, and even a perfect stranger.
I became aware of my heart’s condition before speaking. Being self-aware of my emotions and labeling them helps me tame the beast within; name it to tame it. If my heart is bitter, I know not to speak words that may be hurtful rather than helpful. I withdraw from loved ones to do some investigating and make adjustments because first, I know my heart, and I also know they are not the cause of my struggles. I also recognize my triggers as friends letting me know something is wrong and needs tending to.
These stem from past trauma never dealt with; instead, they get buried deep down beneath the rubble. Most people like me try soothing our wounds with substitutes, like alcohol, drugs, sex, and the likes, but the scars will bleed again and will seep through eventually; you can count on it.
Another way we press down our emotions is through family secrets, putting a fake smile on faces, and pretending all is well but is not. However, with God, we don’t have to pretend; He knows, He sees, and He hears.
We learn to repress because family and friends will say we are being too negative, which drives people away; that’s a great tool the devil uses to silence us. The division is his goal. Deceive, Divide and Destroy is the devil’s primary objective, and he has plenty of flying monkeys to do his bidding. Sadly, it starts within the family unit, like Adam, Eve, and their two sons, Cain and Abel. Cain murdered his brother Abel. Like Abel’s blood cried out to the Lord, so does our inner child cry out for justice. So by acknowledging what has happened—feeling the pain, allowing the pain to cry out by protesting the injustice done to you to God who hears our cry. He validates our pain; unlike people who get weary and tired of our grief, the Lord hears, comforts, and restores. I am comforted when I know that regardless of what I feel, I can go to God in any condition. I am also grateful that He has people to counsel and help us work through our sufferings.
“And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words. Therefore, do not be like them. For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask.”
Matthew 6:7-8
Most of the time, I can’t pray, but knowing that His Spirit prays for me brings me more comfort because He fully understands our pain and suffering. I was going to put a prayer for today, but instead, I want to encourage you to take all of yourself to God, the good, the bad, and the ugly. He deeply loves His children and wants to hear from us.