Praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. He is my loving God and my fortress, stronghold, and deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me. Lord, what are human beings that you care for, mere mortals that you think of them? They are like a breath; their days are like a fleeting shadow. Part your heavens, Lord, and come down; touch the mountains so that they smoke. Send forth lightning and scatter the enemy; shoot your arrows and rout them. Reach down your hand from on high; deliver me and rescue me from the mighty waters, from the hands of foreigners whose mouths are full of lies, whose right hands are deceitful. I will sing a new song to you, my God; on the ten-stringed lyre, I will make music to you, to the One who gives victory to kings, who delivers his servant David. From the deadly sword, deliver me; rescue me from the hands of foreigners whose mouths are full of lies, whose right hands are deceitful. Then, our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace. Our barns will be filled with every kind of provision. Our sheep will increase by tens of thousands in our fields; our oxen will draw heavy loads. There will be no breaching of walls, no going into captivity, no cry of distress in our streets. Blessed are the people of whom this is true; blessed are those whose God is the Lord.
Psalms 144:1‭-‬15 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.144.1-15.NIV

During the last couple of weeks of school, as I prayed in the classroom to intercede on behalf of the students, teachers, staff, and my loved ones before heading out to do my duty, the Holy Spirit guided me to this word: Psalm 144. It was a day of testing; some students froze and struggled to remember what they had learned. Everything they have learned is within them, but anxiety overpowers their brains, and they freeze. One particular student was testing, but he froze. I asked him if he wanted me to pray. He looked at me like I was cray, as they would say. I said, do you want me to pray that God would bring to remembrance everything you have learned? He smiled and said, yes! So I prayed while he took his test by the leading of the word of God and by the Holy Spirit. I was beginning to understand the meaning of prayer without ceasing. When I stopped, he froze again. I remembered how the Israelites were winning the battle when Moses prayed with his arms lifted; however, when he got tired and began to rest his arms, the enemy began to defeat God’s children. Aaron and Hur held Moses’ hands up, and the battle was won (Exodus 17:12). So I continued to pray until finally, the young man looked up and said with a smile, “I’m finished!” I hope you will join me in prayer for our children; they are the future leaders of the next generation. The most powerful force in the universe is the prayers of the saints to the Creator of the Universe, and the prayers of a righteous man avail much. We are the Righteousness of God through the Man, Jesus Christ, amen.

At the beginning of the school year, the young man I prayed for while testing and his best friend walked into the classroom without a care about their future; they fooled around with their phones and cackled at one another. The teacher kindly asked them to check their laptops and complete their assignments. His best friend said he would not graduate this year; he was too far behind. Although he said these words, I saw hope in his eyes. I remembered Jesus’ words, “A smoldering wick, He will not snuff out.” The Holy Spirit confirmed it when I read His word: “Sow seeds of Righteousness.”

Because of my history, my eyes have been opened to the fact that anxiety and negativity are toxic, and the Bible also says our tongue either speaks life or death. Every day is a day of resoluteness and training my brain to move past its default thinking. Jesus says to choose life or death. Everyday decisions have to be made whether we want to or not; by not deciding, well, a decision was made. When I relinquished control over Jesus’ sovereignty, the hope of my future began manifesting the fruit of His Spirit within me, and I saw His faithfulness in my life and those around me. Yes, it’s true, we affect or infect the people around us; we are contagious in our pessimistic attitudes and suck the life out of others, rather we want to or not. Or we can look at things as lessons and be as refreshing springs for others as some are to me. I am in awe of how God uses a particular person to strengthen me when I feel completely spent; just knowing refreshes me. I finally concluded that I would not continue walking in the same patterns, but it takes work. I ask the Lord for a teachable spirit until I learn the lesson now instead of whining, “why me!” As students are taught life skills in our schools, we must continue learning and being open to God’s leadership. The Israelites wandered in the wilderness for forty years because they complained about everything under the sun; they refused to change their thinking, even after God delivered and blessed them; don’t we do the same? I saw God’s goodness, but as they did, I quickly forgot His faithfulness and suffered from the consequences of my sin, “Unbelief.” I didn’t know the magnitude of loss until I lost everything.

Before starting this job, I felt alone and had no purpose until I noticed this young man still had hope for his future. God had a purpose for me to help him by doing my part, although I was just a link on the journey to his graduation. I’ve learned that on my day’s journey, every person God brings on my path is substantial for growth and the growth of others. Someone said I was using my dead son to seek attention.” Yes, I am using the death of my son to spread awareness about the effects of mental health. I am using his death to comfort others as the God of comfort has comforted me. Yes, I am using the death of my son as a reminder to fight on my knees for his offspring and praying for the children I serve at the school. Most have no idea what teachers and kids suffer until they work at schools; I am honored and humbled to serve both. Also, I am using the death of my son, as a warning to mothers and fathers to wake up from sleepwalking and seek the LORD on behalf of our children so that they would not suffer such despair of losing a child by repeating the same patterns because of ignorance, as I have. And yes, I am a grieving mother; yet, my grief will not control me, nor will I allow it to embitter me because I am still human. Instead, I rejoice in my weaknesses as Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted, and the Lord is close to the brokenhearted; may He be exalted in my grief, and may He be glorified in my weaknesses.

Furthermore, I shared with these young men that the second saddest day of my life was watching my friends graduate high school instead of graduating with them. I also told them that regret is the worst emotion; although we can take the easy way, we still miss the joy of learning and growing. Ignorance is our enemy because we choose it rather than seek knowledge and gain an understanding of the LORD our God. They already knew that the worst day of my life was losing my son and that the way I could move forward without him was through the Hope that I would see him again; this is the cord that keeps me moving forward—God of Hope who gave us everlasting life through Christ, His Son. On the last day of school, the one I saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes came to the classroom to say goodbye. I could not hold back my tears as he hugged me; it was as though I was hugging my baby, and he said, we did it, Mom. This young man was graduating high school, and I cried tears of joy for him and his best friend, too, because they fought for their future and persevered; to God be the glory!

The reality of loss is part of life, but our children should not die before their time because of ignorance or spiritual laziness; our prayers are more powerful than we think when we pray in the Spirit. In Isaiah 57, the Lord rebukes the watchmen for complacency. The Lord tells Isaiah, “His watchmen are blind, all ignorant and dumb dogs. They cannot bark; they sleep, lie down, and love to slumber. Yes, they are greedy dogs that never have enough and shepherds who cannot shepherd. (Isaiah 56:10-12). Prayer is more powerful than one can imagine, and thankfulness is the key that opens prison doors. “Where there is life, there is still hope. I made a promise to my son after he died; he was a Change Agent. I promised to continue his legacy by being a voice for those who cannot speak up for themselves, but the voices of my enemies silenced me; guilt and condemnation kept me silent. Also, like trash pickers, some used my past to slander my name and condemn me. If we only learn to take out our own trash instead of dumpster diving into the lives of others, we would not suffer; God hates gossip, so by spreading gossip, we suffer from self-affliction. Be warned. However, I did not defend myself against my accusers because my defender is the Living God. Those who speak out against me in judgment will be silenced, so by no means assume my silence as a weakness. I, too, fear the LORD. Don’t test GOD; I am a witness that we do reap what we sow.

To Those Contemplating Suicide

Confession: Last July, before I got this job, my ex sent me an email stating that he knew where my daughter and her family lived; he stalked them as well and caused them to live in fear. He took pleasure in making our lives a living hell. It would be an understatement to say my anxiety went into full force, and I almost lost myself. As I was driving, I thought that I should keep driving to the place of no return: suicide. Also, knowing that God does not force anyone to do His will, He, by His Spirit, speaks in the depths of our hearts, and this is what He said to me.

“Before you do this, write letters to your daughters explaining why they weren’t enough; did they not matter? Was their brother the only one you loved? And write letters to your grandchildren about why you couldn’t fight for them; was not the joy of their presence enough? Was the love they shared with you and the precious memories and laughter for nothing? Write a letter on Day’s Journey to your future spouse, the one I planned for you long ago, who prays for you day and night and longs to hold you close. Tell him why you couldn’t hold on any longer. And lastly, write a letter to your future self about why you stopped fighting for her after you promised you wouldn’t abandon her again.”

I pulled over on the side of the road and broke down in tears. I couldn’t leave my loved ones like that; regardless of how I felt, my love for them is true, and every one of them matters to me more than they can comprehend. Finally, I prayed and cried out to our loving Father and surrendered my life to God; I asked Him to help me by the power of the Holy Spirit to walk by faith, not by sight. I can’t say how God sent prayer warriors to help me in my prayer life, but since then, prayers have turned from “me” to ‘US.’ Heavenly Father, give us our daily spiritual, physical, and emotional bread according to the richness of Your grace, which is sufficient for our needs. I declare in the Name of Jesus that no weapon formed against us or our loved ones will prosper, and I decree that we will prosper in doing the will of God through our Lord Jesus Christ, amen.

I am writing this to YOU today because there is still Hope. As the Lord challenged me that day, I challenge you to write your loved one’s letters explaining why you want to give up. Don’t mail those letters, and don’t click send; write and grieve your losses, repent your failures, fears, and regrets, but don’t quit!

Call a safe person and get help through the Suicide Helpline (988). You are not alone. Go to the Resource Page for Help and Recovery. These Helpers reached out to me and asked that I share their links because they want to help, but they can’t help us unless we reach out. Tell them you found their link on Day’s Journey, not because I want anything or get anything, but to encourage them that by sharing their links here, you found them. I don’t make money off their advertisement; the only satisfaction I get is the knowledge that a life was saved. We all need one another.

Shame has no power over you; Jesus took our shame and nailed it with Him on the Cross. Leave the baggage of burdens and surrender to God. Some people still need you to fight for them in prayer; they need you to listen, to love, to encourage, and they need your story to help them get to the next level in their lives. God is the prayer warrior in us, and He works through us; we are vessels of the Living God and He gives strength for the day, He gives us everything we need by the power of His Holy Spirit according to the abundance of His steadfast love and faithfulness. We cannot win this battle on the strength of the flesh. The enemy wants to take you out because he is fearful of who you are in Christ; glory be to God Almighty. We are sons and daughters of the LIVING GOD. RISE from the Ashes, wipe off the lies of the devil, and Fight in the Spirit; be the glimmer of hope in this dark world, blessed be the NAME OF THE LORD who delivers us from the hands of the wicked!