(Disclaimer: The stories may be coincidental, are fiction, and intend to create awareness because these things are indeed factual and should be used to waken us from our slumber. Also, names are not of actual persons.)
A teenager stands frozen at the sight of her stepfather holding an unloaded gun to her mother’s head, and every time he pulls the trigger, she hears the sound, click, click, click. No one knows the gun was unloaded except him. He doesn’t laugh, and he has no expression on his face. Pure evil looks straight into this child’s eyes, and he grips her with the fear of the unknown.
A little boy holds on tightly to his mother’s hand as they walk to a pay phone half a mile away in the middle of the night because her drunken parents kicked them out after she tried to defend her mother from another blow from her stepdad’s raging fist. With tears in her eyes, she reassures her son that they will be ok. With shame, she has to beg a friend to give her and her three-year-old child shelter because her relatives don’t believe her story; instead, they shame and blame her, mocking her, saying, “If you want to play, then you have to pay.”
A parent gets the dreaded call no parent should ever get, and in a blink, their whole world is turned upside down. Yes, we revolve our world around our children. The parents have dreams for their children, and the dreams their children have for the father to walk her down the aisle or see his son win that memorable game. Just as he is gone in the blink of an eye, so are the dreams of his children, taken by the evil intentions of the drug dealer’s hunger for power or that moment’s high.
Every day, while working with students with special needs, I see some who catatonically walk through the day with just a glimmer of hope because someone at school sees them; it could be their best friend, a teacher, a counselor, the resource officer, etc. Someone is always on the lookout for the well-being of the students. Jason, an autistic student, often asks if we are keeping the school safe from strangers.
Fear teaches us that no one would ever believe such atrocities against children, and children have great imaginations; it’s hard for a child to imagine and process such evil. Sadly, everyone would rather believe the lies of wicked men and women because they can’t handle the truth, so they close their eyes to the cries of the oppressed amongst them, cover their ears to the truth about the things going on, such as human trafficking; and the hundreds of thousands of children being sold as sex slaves to unvetted predators, even as I type a child is being sold, abused and murdered. Followers of wickedness would rather believe the twisted words of those who cover such evil, and twist the word of God for selfish gain; women are just as wicked and can be masters of manipulation.
The Bible says that those who know about these things and do nothing are just as guilty as the offender/s. Like little statue monkeys, they cover their eyes and say they saw no evil, they close their ears to the cries, and say they heard no evil, and they said nothing in defense of the victim/s. When doing nothing they excused the behavior, or blamed the victim/s for the behavior by gaslighting them. Eventually, like a merry go round the victims of domestic violence become like these monkeys, questioning themselves too.
“Did I see the evil they did? Did I hear that right? Did they say that to me or my children? Lastly, “If I say something, will others believe me? I can hardly believe this myself!” I know because my brain was so traumatized I couldn’t process what was going on around me.
The month of October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, but it never ends until someone ends up in the grave from physical violence or someone committing suicide as a way of escape and also, let’s be aware of passive suicide. Passive suicide is when someone no longer takes care of their well-being, such as going to the doctor and taking their meds as instructed by their doctors, eating healthy meals, or alcoholism and substance abuse, just to name a few.
The truth, as painful as it was for me, I had to step out, and with the proper support, I was able to set myself in motion for recovery and healing. Professional help equipped me with the right tools to fight against the battle of domestic violence. However, like Paul, I continue on this journey by the Grace of God. I am still on this journey of recovering; I accept that it will be a lifelong journey.
When we walk side by side with a victim of domestic violence, for them, it’s like running their first cross country or walking their first marathon. Every step, no matter how small, is a milestone. When the track of hope is before them, they begin to run at ease because they see what is ahead; there is a feeling of control, and they feel like they are flying! Oh, I know, I know, the feeling of freedom!
For victims; no matter what gender, age, profession, culture, etc., every day is like marathon, they are running away from something or someone destructive, and they are running towards a hope and a future. From experience, the worse feeling is the feeling of abandonment after all the cheering and clapping; like at the beginning of a cross-country race, when I left my destructive relationships behind. I did something different, and when I received many cheers and way-to-goes, I wondered about the significance of this marathon and how I felt by my cheerleaders? It was my first marathon ever, and I am not the first person to ever accomplish such a feat, but it felt so good on the inside. My body ached for a week, but it was worth the pain! When we walk side by side with a victim of domestic violence, for them, it’s like walking their first marathon. Step-by-step, no matter how small, is a milestone. I repeat:
When we walk side by side with a victim of domestic violence, for them, it’s like running their first cross country or walking their first marathon. Every step, no matter how small, is a milestone. When the track of hope is before them, they run at ease because they see what is ahead; there is a feeling of control, and they feel like they are flying!
Many have done more than I could ever do; what’s the big deal, right? For victims, every tiny step is a ‘BIG DEAL!’ Victory comes when we realize the weight of the things that weigh us down were not by God but by those who won’t even carry their own loads. But when someone comes along from our past and reminds us of our strengths, we begin to let go of those things that weigh us down.
The Race of Faith
“Therefore, we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:1-2).
In the picture below, this is my Cross Country Team, and I am so proud of them because they taught me more than I could ever teach them.
As an elementary cross-country coach and a Secondary SPED/ T.A., I love watching the kids race. The saying, ‘It takes a tribe to raise a child, is correct. It does take a tribe to help children succeed in life. When I see a community cheer for the cross-country team as they come around the bend, I get teary eyed because I hear their parents, coach, and teammates shouting, “You’re almost to the finish line; you have come this far. Keep going!” I know how hard they worked to get there; especially when the path lonely; where you can’t hear the cheering, or atta girls. Somewhere in between, you have to press on by faith , believing that something better will be at the end. It doesn’t matter who comes in first or last; the winner is the one who made it no matter how slow; they made it. I know the feeling because someone was cheering for me, when others were tearing me down. Moreover, when I see the one who comes in last, I cry the hardest because I know it took every once of themselves to press on and not give up; I know because I lived it from childhood.
Domestic violence can lead to suicide if we are not aware of the signs. Some signs are masked behind the guise of self shaming and blaming. They hide behind busyness, and isolation. The victim believes degrading comments, and they believe the false accusations against them through the weapon of gaslighting. Outsiders will believe the lies that she is crazy, bipolar, or manic; the tells of their perpetrator are told to the flying monkeys and the flying monkeys do the dirty work of slandering. Some may say they didn’t know but, spreading lies is just as destructive to yourself and your children than to the liar because the consequences fall on you as well . Kora and his followers falsely accused Moses and turned many of the Israelites against him. Moses gave the people the opportunity to chose and stand on the side of righteousness. On the day I left, the Spirit of the LORD told me to chose righteousness, and although I was married, I stood against my husbands unrighteousness. Like Ananias and his wife, Sapphira in Acts 5. She followed her husband’s directive; they lied to the Holy Spirit. If Sapphira would have obeyed the Spirit, she would have lived. If I had stayed, knowing that the deeds of my ex husband were evil, I would have been swallowed up with my ex husband. The table is also the same for husbands who stay with ungodly wives. I’ve been accused of all kinds of things, but God is my witness, and I will keep praying for deliverance for those who are bound in captivity by their abusive spouses, men or woman who use the Word of God for selfish gain, Phil.1. The stronger the opposition is an indicator that captives are being set free, and the blessings are near. If you are the prayer warrior don’t stop praying, and if you are the survivor, keep moving and praying; your witnesses are cheering you on!
When David was captured and jailed, he pretended to be insane to save his life. There were times I too, had to do the same for the sake of my well-being and for the sake of my loved ones. I also saw my future self through my mother in law, she was an inspiration to me, and I loved her dearly. She was alone, and in despair; I had to fight for for her, so I learned how to live with my enemy while I returned to school. Also, most people don’t understand that survivors are the strongest, most resilient people because they don’t stay for themselves; it’s usually for the sake of others, mainly their children. However, when life gets hard for the onlooker, they call upon them for counsel or help. Why? Because victims, turned survivors, learn the art of survival from the pits of hell and over-comers. My son, my mother-in-law, my mother, and the many other women who endured abuse for my sake are my true heroes and warriors because they taught me how to survive, and fight the good fight. I know the truth now about the death of my son, and before I learned the truth, I promised him that I would fight, and that I am doing on my knees. I am fighting against the spirit of addiction, people pleasing, and the spirit of narcissism that kept us captive. Yes, I know that I am not fighting against flesh and blood, I am fighting against evil forces in the air. Blessed be the name of the LORD, HE IS THE MIGHTY WARRIOR, who fights for us.
However, I left my comfort zone; I had to make a choice to live or die. I was comfortable in my familiar. I had the beautiful prison, my whole back yard was a garden, but bore little fruit. I did something outside my routine, which can be a scary move for women who are taking back their lives. After years of tearing down and destroying the person’s ability to think independently, it takes a lot of compassion and patience to build that one back up again. Don’t think they can walk out and start living victoriously; they must learn how to walk alone again. We’ve come a long way since the truth about narcissistic abuse was exposed, and people are talking about it. We are stronger together and can conquer the evils of domestic violence by believing in the victim and cheering on those running their race. Our cheers are more potent than the lectures and how-to’s.
Today, this article was in my inbox. The sender thought this would be insightful and shared it with me to share with you. Please consider that the links I share here are not mine, nor am I compensated for advertisement; I am honored to share resources with you all. When I receive an email from Professional Helpers, they are saying, “I believe you.” and “We are here to help.” Anyhow, I hope you find this article as with all the others in the Resource Page helpful.
If you are in danger, please reach out to: https://www.thehotline.org/
Get out, Get Help! Abusers don’t change.
https://www.safetydetectives.com/blog/womens-safety-research