“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
Ephesians 6:2‭-‬3

“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”

Matthew 5:7

There are some things I felt were unforgivable towards my parents when I was a child, and sometimes I am triggered by memories of the abuse caused by them.

When the Holy Spirit brings this verse to my attention, memories flood my mind, and I feel pain in my body again because the body keeps score. I think, “How can I honor them when they dishonored me, Lord?”

After working on my healing and learning about the suffering they, too, suffered from their parents, my heart was filled with compassion and mercy toward them. But I had no choice but to detach because there was no reciprocity; that was painful. I also saw within my heart the pain I caused my children. I am grateful for the time the Lord gave me with my son before he died; with tears in my eyes, I asked forgiveness from him and my girls. God knows how much pain I caused him and his sisters from the patterns I inherited from my parents and their parents; the offspring of iniquities we carry into the next generation is real. That is why repentance has become part of every post.

By no means am I excusing or justifying the offenses; however, it’s a reminder for me to take action and work on changing myself, such as becoming more assertive and setting boundaries. We cannot change anyone else, so if boundaries need to be set for your safety and your children’s, that is an act of mercy and honor to God, you, and your children.

In some cases, it is impossible, and we have to go no contact for our safety or the safety of our children; this is a painful step, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can pray for a forgiving heart toward them so they lose the power of controlling us as God forgave the unthinkable in us.

The first action step is to recognize our humanness and decide to forgive them and ourselves, so that God can heal the wounds of our ancestors and those of generations to come. I used to want vengeance, but I realized it had become too heavy a burden to carry. So I laid it down at the foot of the Cross. I also realized that abuse is not acceptable to God or the self.

When the tides of pain resurface, instead of suppressing the pain, we can sit with the feeling for a minute, grieve it and let the cleansing waters of the Holy Spirit wash over us, as Jesus did when He washed the disciples’ feet and said, unless I wash you, you cannot be clean; allow the Holy Spirit to cleanse your wounds with the loving care of others. I have also found that recovery groups are like balm for our wounds. We are on common ground and safe.

Imingery

Imagine Jesus washing your wounds as the waters wash over your feet, and as they subside, imagine Jesus taking the pain of our past regrets and sorrows into the depths of the ocean of forgetfulness in every instance that comes to mind.

Prayer

“O, the joy of our wonderful healer in Your Son, Heavenly Father. I honor You when I forgive because You forgave the unthinkable in me and washed me clean with the purifying blood of Jesus. I worship You, Lord, when I offer all the broken pieces of my heart and fragmented parts of my mind in Your loving care. Wash me, O Lord, and purify all the impurities within me, for it is in Jesus’ Name I pray, amen.

Resources:

If you need help, you can check the Resource or Library Pages for recommendations to support your healing journey.