The Exiles of My Parts

Before I fled from my abusive ex, I had a dream of a little girl without a face. I saw her standing in a bedroom. She had blonde hair and a pink dress. I saw a hand reach down toward her with a light touching her face. When I woke up, I knew God was giving her back her face. In psychological terms, it’s called Saving Face, but at the time, I didn’t understand why a little girl? I knew my ex had slandered my name and assassinated my character to friends and family members, but I didn’t know what she represented; it’s been over two years since I had this profound dream, and I didn’t know who she was because she had no face. I only saw the color of her hair and the pink dress.

Photo Credit, Editing & Design, R.N.

Since then, as I have been studying and learning about myself and healing my inner child, God has shown me so much about the internal parts of our being: the wounded children, “The exiles of my past. I know the Bible says not to live in the past; however, I’ve learned that if our traumatized child, or children at different stages in our growth process, experienced multiple traumas like me are not healed, they will control your future and cause havoc because they want to protect the wounded inner part. One day, my coach, asked me, ” Who controls you?” Those words woke something up within me because I felt like my mind was swinging back and forth, back to the past and forward into the future, as I was sitting on a swing I could not get off; there was no ground to stand on. I was also experiencing panic attacks, which came unexpectedly without any warnings. Nothing was helping, and the attacks were so intense I couldn’t breathe, thus feeling like I would pass out again like I did while driving on the freeway.

I thought after making peace with my past, everything would be better. However, it was not that simple; there is a tribe of exiles within some of us who experienced abuse who need rescuing from the past, and with God’s help and the willingness to get help from professionals in the mental health field, we can be set free from the turmoil and havoc our wounded children cause. When my coach recommended Internal Family Systems by Richard C. Swartz, & Martha Sweezy and Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by Janina Fisher, everything started making sense. I’ve been praying for God to provide a therapist and financial support for treatment. I know I can not do this alone; it can be dangerous territory, like wandering into an encampment of hostile leaders without professional guides’ and help.

This little girl in the dream, who lost face when she was a child, was me, and I am ready to go on this new healing journey. Please pray for provisions, protection, and wise counselors to help me. When I saw my friends, working on Adobe repairing old pictures. I showed them my baby picture and shared how I always wanted to photoshop me as a child, and I now, He gladly brought us together. My hair was blonde when I was a child, and my dress was pink. Praise God for His continued faithfulness, and glory be to our Lord who said, “Let the little children come to Me.”