Lately, as I’ve been working with my abandoned inner children; it seems like there is a tribe of little children left behind , and screaming for my attention. My emotions become as raw as when the wounding happened; there is no harmony. At first I begin to feel overwhelmed with their neediness and I wanted to suppress my emotions again, as I had done many times in the past. However, I remembered those who at certain times of my life who came as guiding lights to lead me out of my dungeon of despair; equipping me with the tools I need to get out. I’ve learned to stop, and listen to voices deep within and sometimes, I can discern the shadows hidden in dark places but I refuse to allow them to haunt me as before. I think now, instead of naming them demons, as some are, and some are not; its not that easy to discern, so prayerfully, I seek the LORD for clarity, and guidance. Now that I know my core wound is abandonment, I can begin working on opposing my core wounds; through repetition as I repeatedly told myself that I was unworthy, unloved, and every other negative word spoken over me. I need help!
For instance, sometimes a child I work with will show me by mirroring what I am going through and show me what I had missed. There are times his behaviors are disruptive; but instead of demonizing him, I can connect with him with compassion and by doing so, we both learn something. For me, it is profoundly impactful; a revelation if you will of the Spirit revealing a part of me that was exiled by my caretakers in early childhood. Furthermore, there are some children I encounter daily who suffer from the grief of rejection and abandonment as I; this is extremely painful. The pain was and is so great it profoundly fragments and brings everything out of line, impacting relationships in so many areas of life, mind, and heart. I recognize, and struggle with attachment styles. Sometimes, I feel defragmented and seem to trigger, Fearful Avoidant, Anxious, Anxious Preoccupied, and Disorganized, I feel as though I am leaving pieces of myself out of the equation.
Jesus came with grace and truth when He came into the world, seeking and saving what was lost. If we do not acknowledge the loss within ourselves, how can we bring them to Jesus for the forgiveness of our sins, known and unknown, unless they are revealed to us? (Luke 19:10).
1 John 1:5: “This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ, His Son, cleanses us from all sin.”
I pray that Jesus would shine His light in those areas and heal those parts of me that were abandoned, but if I don’t know them, how can I bring them into His wonderful light? God promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us. He also said in His word that although our mother or father abandoned us, He will not. As a child, my caregivers shamed me so badly that I hid my misgivings and sins deep inside the well of my heart. Spiritually, these were parts of me labeled unworthy and unloved because they were bad and unforgivable to the world, the flesh, and the devil. But not to God because He sent His Son, Jesus, and Jesus paid the debt in full. What is the debt? Eternal separation from God. Imagine your inner child trapped in a well of darkness, but instead of rejecting him, you go into the well with the light of God’s love, mercy, grace, and acceptance, and say, “I’m here, I love you, follow me.” Wow, now imagine Jesus going inside the well, and saying, “Here I am, I love you, I died for you, your forgiven, follow me.!” And He leads your little wounded child/children out of the darkness and into His wonderful light! I believe the flesh is our worst enemy because he seeks perfectionism. Only God is perfect! The enemy is our accuser, people are our accusers, our flesh is our accuser, but Jesus is our Redeemer, and our Redeemer Lives!
Finally, when I recognized the triggers and acknowledged them, they seemed to release their hold on me like a child who held on to his mother’s skirt; the pull was no longer there, and through affirmations, she was free to develop and grow into the person God intended for her. The chains that linked me to the people who said I was unloveable, stupid, and unworthy began falling off. They no longer have custody over me or can keep me in a prison of despair. Moreover, because of what I had gone through, I can discern this tormenting spirit over my kids at school or adults and minister to their inner child, as many have ministered to me. Some may have known or were unaware of the Holy Spirit ministering to both of us; regardless, I glorify God because He sees our inner parts, and I feel liberty when I see through my mind’s eye little children running to green pastures, playing, singing and laughing as God intended for them.
Imagine your adult self dancing with your child, who was left behind. Imagine holding her tiny hands and singing a new song over her: “You are loved, You are worthy, You are enough; perfectly made in His image, and fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator of the universe.” Don’t let anyone make you feel less!
This was my favorite, not my work!